What an Escalade Hybrid is Like

Your Unhumble Car Czar is traveling this week on a peacekeeping mission to Syracuse, where the denizens are up-in-arms over which is greener: hybrids, diesels, or just staying home to argue about it on the internet. I took Amtrak over, since the boss's right-hand guy likes it so much, and because I'm a kiss-up. I jotted down some observations on the Cadillac Escalade Hybrid along the way because I just couldn't stop thinking about this vehicle. Each thought begins with "A" and ends in a period for consistency's sake:

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like Diet Decaf Mountain Dew.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like a Super Value Menu at Masa.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like Howard Stern saying "What the eff?" instead of "What the bleep?"

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like The Decider-in-Chief saying "Whoops ... my bad," and leaving Iraq.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like a necrotized hard-line GOPer admitting President O. is doing something ... anything ... right.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like Michael Jackson turning himself white.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like a Seinfeld episode that doesn't invent a new term like "Mangina."

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is like, come to think of it, a 6,000-pound mangina.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is, like, a giant SUV with "H Y B R I D" stenciled on the sides. Kinda like that bombed-out Iraqi weapons factory relabeled "Baby Food Factory" in time for the news cameras to arrive.

A Cadillac Escalade Hybrid is, like, a hybrid SUV that still only gets 21 mpg on the highway. What the eff?

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NOTE: This blog will go dark between the hours of 8 and 9 p.m. Eastern tonight in honor of Blah Blah Blahg Hour, an hour without any blog blah blah blah.

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I'm not done yet. Next week: Notes on Obama Derangement.