Republican National Committee
Attn: Michael Steele
310 First Street, SE
Washington, DC 20003
June 2, 2009
Dear Mr. Steele: Received your Republican National Committee Census Document Questionnaire the other day. It was full of thought-provoking questions ... mostly not-on-paper ... like, "Why in the world is this guy in charge of the Republican Party?"
Instead of answering your census I scanned it and put it out on the web (see below) for even today's non-Republicans (pretty much everybody) to see.
Now I have a questionnaire for you:
Five "Census Document" Questions
for Michael Steele
for Michael Steele
1. Do you think our party should continue to court young underemployed and uneducated whites who likely spent part of their childhoods shut in junk refrigerators with no oxygen during hide-n-seek?
2. Do you think our party should continue to court older versions of the above whose brains have since shrunk to the size of walnuts and who now entertain Fox News-fueled paranoid delusions of a Barack Obama-led descent into a Lucifer's Own Fiery Muslim/Socialist/Negro Pit of Despair?
3. Is the Republican Party, which is the last defense against liberal foolishness like racial- and gender-based hiring quotas, unisex public rest rooms, and Al Gore's beard, going to be strengthened or weakened by the continued media presence of lightweight party figureheads like Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal, and you?
4. Do you think sending out an official RNC Census Document Questionnaire loaded with childishly inflammatory questions straight out of some Fuller Brush salesman's porch-step persuasion playbook is going to secure the loyalty of the last sane members of our Grand Old Party?
5. So when did you stop beating your wife? (Sorry -- big cliche phrase nowadays, but somehow I didn't think you'd notice).
The Last Sane Republican