A word with Porsche today. You guys normally fly under the radar owing to your ages-old stubborn brilliance in rear-engined cars, not to mention your perfect recent Boxster and Caymen.
All of it's been enough to overlook dumb stuff like the Cayenne and Panamera, not to mention ridiculously-priced straight-from-the-VW bin options that cost as much as a whole VW.
But your new Boxster Spyder, by all accounts the Porsche to own if you're going to own just one, cannot escape this office's wrath.
Everything about this new car of yours, from the pared-down weight to the nicely-bumped horsepower is fantastic.
The Carrera GT-inspired rump is divine.
But why-oh-why did you ruin this car by plastering P O R S C H E on the doors?
Why not even a $500 Bad Graphic Idea Delete option on the build sheet?
Back in the 914 days when you really were making glorified Volkswagens, this tackiness was almost forgivable. (Hey everybody: It may sound like a Kharmann Ghia, but it's a P O R S C H E).
Feel free to keep on junking up your GT3 RS with such graphics – some owners might want to pretend they're driving factory sponsored Rolex series race cars, after all.
But please, PLEASE tell us that your Boxster Spyder door P O R S C H E banner is not painted on.
Please tell us it's just a sticker meant to seal the deal owing to market research that indicates that your average buyer can't overcompensate for personal shortcomings sufficiently by just owning a Porsche that doesn't tell everyone it's a P O R S C H E.
Please sell us a $1,200 Porsche blow dryer so we can feel like we spent enough option money to fix this mess in our own driveways.
I am the Car Czar, and I'm here to help.