Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Golf GTI MkVII Seats: My Amp Quits at 9

Congrats on keeping the GTI relevant, VW. It's not every 24-year-old cubicle dweller who can brag about having a paddle-shifted Guigiaro-influenced Pirelli 40-series-shod road-going masterpiece in at "his" mechanic so often.

But now that you've forced fans of tasteful interiors to buy $5k of crap to get cow hides & pleather, do you think you could tone-down that whole Interlagos/Jacky/Tartan Thing for those of us who refuse to dine on your options pork?

We know: you dour, practical Germans have a manic-depressive wild side. You like lederhosen, cuckoo clocks, Hasselhoff, and plaid seats.

Even S-Class sedans can be seen rockin' the kilt-skin if you walk around Berlin, peeking in parked cars.

But in the U.S.-of-A. we feel silly wearing lederhosen. Silly watching Hasselhoff. Silly sitting in plaid seats. Cuckoo clocks annoy the hell out of us.

Maybe we simply haven't embraced our watered-down recessive Teutonic automotive interior decorating urges.

In the meantime do you think you could help ease us into the party with maybe a charcoal on black treatment?

The only way we'll let Hasselhoff into our lives in this country is at our leisure and for free, preferably while he's on the floor gettin' it on with a hamburger. We just kinda feel the same way about plaid.

I am The Car Czar, and I'm here to help.


  1. So, buy a Jetta GLI and STFU.

  2. The plaid seats are a part of the GTI persona. Don't like them, buy something else...

  3. Ever hear of Katzkin? Just replace the plaid with leather, you whiny little bitch.

  4. shut the fuck up

  5. this idiot has a blog? thank goodness he isn't an editor. This guy is obviously a fucktard

  6. You're the moron of all morons...

  7. Gentle readers: Whether you know it or not you have resigned yourselves to liking plaid courtesy of the Helsinki Syndrome. Or is it Stockholm?

    If you didn't pony-up 5k to buy a gratuitous sat-nav and VW's patented MicroSunroof you're now being held hostage by kilt-covered seating every time you enter your car.

    You have been assimilated by your captors. You have come to *admire* your captors.

    As for the fan mail here, you get pretty much the same response when you tell a Scotsman he's wearing a skirt.

    Let the Kilt Rage rock ...

  8. Again, you're a moron.

  9. What a waste of bits

  10. so umm yeah... I still wear flannel and I like plaid. Say what you would like but Mk1 GTI's were flying the flannel... gfy

  11. Ha! You just got owned on your own blog. Idiot. STFU and stop embarrassing Americans.

  12. "Owned?" Surely you mean "Pwned." Why can't we get any hip, articulate anonymous internet bashers on this blog?